This is really happening. The fact that I made it happen does not make it any less anxiety provoking. I am fundamentally altering the trajectory of my life, and that scares the shit out of me.
I get congratulations and well wishes, and accept them with a forced smile. Everything I know tells me this is a good move for me, and I know I'll have a great time. I'm excited to be teaching full-time after struggling to find such a job for two years. I'm excited to live alone for the first time, no roommate! But I'm sad to be leaving someone I love and have enjoyed sharing the past three years of my life with.
That's really what it comes down to for me. Choosing myself over my relationship. It feels selfish, but I know it's the right choice, even if it doesn't feel that way.
I keep having these little moments in my life that remind me I've made the right choice. The most obvious came last night in the form of a fortune cookie.
That has to be a sign, right?!
In any case, I just sent over my documents, so now it's out of my hands.
Don't get the wrong impression, I'm excited to teach in Korea, and I know I'll do a great job, but all I hear is how psyched everyone else is. I'm excited, but there's a whole lot of other shit going on in my head too.
